*Originally posted on Facebook July 2013
So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”
I may not remember the exact date, but July 16th is a day I’ll never forget. Nothing out of the ordinary, finished up with work, and was scrolling through on my Facebook wall. I came upon my “daily dose” of abortion articles and the happenings of it in the world. Some days I just look at the title and decide not to read it, other days I’m ready to embrace how the story will unfold. I say embrace because I always end up crying and emotional.
Yesterday was no different. I opened one up and begin to read the appalling situation in Texas that is going on. And there it was. Like a wall I had been trying to climb with no ladder, I finally had reached the top. I could see. I had vision. My vision was blurring with tears that were more this day than usual. I see God. I see where you have been leading me.
Back in February, I decided to join Rodan+Fields dermatologists. I couldn’t wait to become a part of the company, making woman more confident in a product that truly worked! I was in love with the products myself and couldn’t wait to share it with everyone. Just like you would recommend a fantastic movie or a meal at a restaurant with friends and loved ones because you want them to enjoy what you just did, I felt I wanted to share the good news of this awesome skincare!
WHY. What was my why in this business? The word dragged on and on at me. I prayed and prayed. I spoke with my husband and saw that in reality his job may be gone in a year and my “why” grew a bit. One brick higher on my wall was built.
Last summer we bought a foreclosed home and had been dying to beautify it after paying 2 mortgages for 7 months! When we compared our budgets and with the costs of having 2 kids, we saw how small our budgets really were. My “why” for selling skincare deepened just a bit. I now had a 2nd brick to step on when trying to get over my wall.
Yet I wanted more. I felt something stirring in my heart. A deeper “why” was there yet I wasn’t sure what it was yet. In my prayers, I finally felt a whisper. My GOD! You spoke to me! How long it has been since I’ve heard the distinctness and boldness in YOUR voice. It wasn’t a shout. It wasn’t a soft tone. It was simply a whisper. You will be home with your boys.
Huh?! Me? I LOVE my job. I’ve wanted to be Nancy Drew, Harriet the Spy, and Lois Lane since I was 5. I never had plans of leaving my job in the crime world. I told my husband what I heard but I wasn’t sure what it meant. Because I never ever thought I’d be the stay-at-home Mom type. Yet here was a 3rd brick placed at my feet for my climb.
As weeks passed and months passed and my business has successfully grown, I have found pure happiness in it. It’s not always easy, but I have pressed on determined to find out more of my “why”.
I kept on praying. And there, finally, my prayer was answered. My “why” had arrived. My reason to fully drive me into deep motivation of being successful was that place that God had been stirring in my heart. I wanted to give I knew, and give back BIG. The organization I felt led to was a place like Hope Resource Center. A place that helps with free confidential health services and education on abortion. I immediately felt a sense of completion. Like a little bell had gone off. I now treasured my “why”. Immediately I had a stack of bricks in front of me.
So as I sat there yesterday in front of my computer that fed me with more information to make me agitated, distraught and yet again, saddened for these precious victimized babies, I knew I needed to write. Where do I start God? How do I even begin to get my point across? I’m so mad! I’m so hurt! Why is this going on?! And then I said as I always do before speaking of something so important to people, Lord, let my words be Your words.
And as the words spilled out of my perturbed mouth I kept praying. I was fearful no one would even read what I wrote. Fearful that it would be left to float around in the Facebook world untouched. Yet I knew so overwhelmingly the presence of God with me at my desk, in my chair. He was there yesterday. He was providing the words that you read.
Driving home yesterday I had the radio on and immediately I heard the lady saying something along the lines of, “Have you ever known so deep in your heart, that God has placed something in front of you that you knew was from Him to show you a sign? This is odd. Yes! Yes I do feel I just experienced that. And a few people shared some stories that was to similar experience of my time in front of my computer yesterday. Up next, was the song, “Wanted” by Dara Maclean. No way Jesus! Seriously?!!! Yes! I hear you my sweet Jesus! Let me interrupt to allow you to read the lyrics:
From the day you were born
And took your first breath
You opened your eyes and in came the light
He was watching you
But all of your life you couldn’t shake the lies in your head
Saying you’re a mistake
Oh but you were made
By a God who knows your name
He doesn’t make mistakes
You are wanted
To every broken heart, He stands with open arms
You are wanted
To every searching soul, look to the rising sun
If you’re lonely, hurting, gone too far
To the outcast you come as you are
For you, you are wanted, you, you are wanted
You, you are wanted, you, you are wanted
Let this be the day that joy takes the place
Of all of the years that shame tried to steal away
He is calling you
Lift your eyes to see His face
Come run into the arms of grace
You, you have been marked
You’re set apart
And He calls you His
So you don’t have to search
Don’t have to look for where you belong
Elation! Joy! Clarity! If I wasn’t driving, I believe I could have fallen to the floor, shaking like I did that day I found out I was pregnant. God was THERE. His voice. His whole being! Like a wall I had been trying to climb with no ladder, I finally had reached the top. I could see. I had vision. My vision was blurring with tears that were more this day than usual. I see God. I see where you have been leading me. I felt no anxiety at the thought of staying home with my boys one day leaving a job I loved behind. Because I had just been fulfilled with a greater dream. A dream my maker had created in me. He was stirring…OH was he stirring. No longer a whisper right God?You want me to be able to leave my job one day to give BIG to an organization that will help women choose adoption! You are choosing me as YOUR instrument to save lives??? ME? Yes Lord, I”ll do it. Take my hand and guide me there.
You see, sometimes we don’t get the whole picture. God sometimes gives us only one direction at at time. It’s up to us to trust the first part of His plan He has provided us with. Will we boldly step out and follow? Do we always understand our “why”? No. But He will surely show us. In His perfect way.
I will protect my reason for being in this new business. It needs great protection. And I need courage and boldness that only the Lord will provide. I have decided today to replace my FEARS with FAITH. He WILL provide.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
Watch Dara Maclean’s Wanted video here: